Ãå±±ÂÖ¼é

Oregon Medical Marijuana Costs Too High, Say Workers’ Comp Insurers

August 15, 2011
Editor’s Note: This article originally appeared in Ãå±±ÂÖ¼é’s Satire Issue, August 15, 2011. The content in this issue is not real and is not to be taken seriously. It’s supposed to be humorous. Seriously.

Oregon’s workers’ compensation insurers are begging the state’s medical marijuana outlets to cut them some slack on price, and warning that they may need federal assistance.

“I never thought I would say it, but I long for the days when all we had to pay for was OxyContin and other narcotics,” said an executive. “At least you needed a bona fide diagnosis in those days.”

Researchers at the Workers Compensation and Reefer Institute (WCRI) say prices for medical marijuana have been skyrocketing as lines at dispensaries snake down the block, and more and more workers are being stricken with anxiety, a lack of appetite, a vague malaise, and the potential for a headache.

“Why you workin’, man? I can get you something. It’s all good,” said one, in-network, occupational physician contacted for this story.

“I’m in a bind here,” said one beneficiary. “My job made me nervous so I had to take time off and I got a ‘script. But now I can’t get hired anywhere because they say I am under the influence, so I can’t get off the workers’ comp.”

Topics Carriers Workers' Compensation Cannabis Oregon

Was this article valuable?

Here are more articles you may enjoy.

From This Issue

Ãå±±ÂÖ¼é Magazine August 15, 2011
August 15, 2011
Ãå±±ÂÖ¼é Magazine

The Ãå±±ÂÖ¼é Satire Issue! News that never happened. Features you won’t forget. Plus reader submissions, fake statistics, made-up mergers and lots more.